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Training update: What training?

This afternoon, I got over the mental block I've had about the cold and got the shoes laced up for a run. Lately, I seem to make excuses for not wanting to get out there. Other times, I genuinely can't make time in my schedule to get out there. I've been in a slump. Let's flash back to two years ago today. I braved a trip to Gold's Gym and signed up for a two-year contract, on the spot, right there. After years of being sedentary, I committed myself to it. Today, I wrote a letter to the financial company that handles memberships, asking for my two-year contract to not renew on a month-to-month basis. I sent it certified letter, because otherwise they wouldn't accept my request. Joining Gold's made sense at the time. I was going to be living about a mile away. I followed my housemate's sleeping patterns, which meant I went to bed and got up at a regular person's hours. I had time to go to the gym before work. I was going six days a week, alterna

Two years on...

The wind evaporates my heat on these cold nights, but I'm not sure any of it goes anywhere. Maybe it stays within, my energy waiting around for the next time it is needed. Wearing clothes helps at least keep the spark alive. This is the two year anniversary of the end of my marriage, and likely a time to take stock publicly for a moment about where I am and who I am. Writing here is not always advised, as a writer friend told me early on in the process when I was much more likely to let slip one of the details that painted me in a less than favorable light. You can't control the way you look in the world, not unless you're really talented and you have a passel of handlers advising you on everything from how to hold your head up to which hand should hold the coffee mug. But you can choose to project a positive image of yourself in order that others may regard you as being confident. "Fake it til you make it" is the common refrain that makes this possible. I

Podcasting the Virginia Film Festival

When I started the Charlottesville Podcasting Network in the spring of 2005, it was the original intent to produce all kinds of material that wouldn't make it on to radio. Just wanted to report that I'm getting to do that all weekend by helping my friend Sean McCord produce interviews with filmmakers, actors and producers. Check out the RSS feed for the whole list ! I'm having a blast.

Dan Deacon saved my life

Dan Deacon, a guy from Baltimore, will be playing tonight at the Southern. I'll be there. I'll be dancing. I'm kind of excited about it, but in a way that makes me think it is not really going to be happening. I discovered Dan Deacon thanks to NPR's All Songs Considered podcast. The song Get Older came on while I was at the gym, trying to build my body out of sadness. My marriage had ended a month or so before, and I was living in Albemarle County with a friend. During my marriage, I didn't create any music. I experimented very little. I had done so a lot during my first marriage, but somehow the urge to make noise didn't really come to me when I was married the second time. The traumaI had turned inward because we had started a family and I had to work, and I felt so serious all the time. Life was no longer about having fun, and I was married to the wrong person. Of course, I still mourned the end, because I had thought I was going to live out my days wit

Name change

Why Citizen 2,840,201,999? Why the last number? Which I've somehow forgotten, by the way. I came up with the original name for this blog off the top of my head, thinking it was about where I would stand in the rankings if a global census sorted the human race by birth order. I assumed that given there were about 6.2 billion people at the time, and I was in my early 30's, I was somewhere just after the middle. Now I've since learned that there are more people alive today who were born after me, so I've moved up in the rankings. I assume now that I am the 2,840,201,999th person who showed up on this planet one day and had to figure out how to get by. I picked the word 'citizen' because of a sense that we're all here on the same planet, and we may as well recognize each others' common values as much we can. I write mine down part of my journey here on occasion. I study government and public policy as a reporter, in part because I feel a sense that

Something has to give...

I'm standing here on one knee, crouched down behind the beer cooler behind the bar at Court Square Tavern. My last customers left about 10 minutes ago, and I've got nothing to do really but type. One out of every eight Saturdays is busy, and tonight ain't a snake-eye. I've got a song screaming out over the speakers, D.O.A. and Jello Biafra singing a cover of "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place" and it seems appropriate. I can't keep working here, not under these conditions, all by myself. It's too slow to merit putting a second person on, which means I have to cook, clean, dishwash, and serve the customers. In a perfect world, I would love that challenge. I love when life's a video game with impossible expectations, yet I come through anyway. But it's not a perfect world. And, this is really getting to me, the stress of being all alone in a place that should be doing better, but isn't. I have no power to get people to walk up the street

On having a beard, again

For some reason, I've grown a beard again. I've decided to sport the bald head and unkempt face look for a while. I'm a bit puzzled as to why I've done this, but here I am, wooly and furry again. Of course, it's now at the point where my beard is exploding in a curly manner, a firework of follicles. Red, white, black and brown hairs all shooting out from my face, redefining how I look. I seem to do this about once a year, change up how I look. I seem to need to transform myself every so often, just to try not to be the same person. I'm not sure why this is. Meanwhile, little things continue to mark who I am. I never seem to be able to tie my right shoe. I get incredibly animated if I have a lot to do. Nothing in my brain or mind seems to have changed. Oh, how it's itched to get to this point. I've scratched, and I've scratched and I've scratched. I've almost given up many times, like I did earlier this summer when I tried before to gr

On Superman 3

Superman 3 is probably my favorite of all the Superman movies. Why is this important? I'm not sure. But, I've been thinking a lot about Superman lately. My kids love Superman. My youngest inherited my oldest's Superman action figure, the one that looks like Brandon Routh from Superman Returns. I recently watched that with a friend and thoroughly enjoyed it. But we'll get to that in another post, perhaps. Superman was the first comic I ever really read. When I was 9 or so, my mother got this anthology out of the library for me. I learned all about Superman as a cultural entity by watching how the mythology evolved as writers looked to push their universe further and further. My favorite era is the sixties, when things just got plain wacky. The style was incredibly light-hearted back then, and the plots usually dealt with Superman's power being mutated in crazy and crazier ways. Red kryptonite transformed him into strange creatures. The lost city of Kandor sh

On fear and anger

This is the 500th post I've written for this blog, which I started several years ago to have a public place to type a few words about the events of my life. Looking back, I can see I've written a lot about my children, my jobs, my interests, and my beloved Court Square Tavern. What I don't believe I've written about are my fears about the world. I've also not used this platform to lash out at items I am angry about. Certainly someone could find a few passages that might say otherwise, but I'm comfortable in stating this is a place where I calmly describe how I see things on a given thing. I also don't write about politics because as a journalist, I have taken a virtual oath to not have a public opinion. It's very important to me that people not have the idea that I am influencing what people take from a story. I work hard to strip out what may or may not be my personal biases from what I turn in to my editors. This is what I was taught to do by my

A Saturday night for futility!

In 15 minutes I'll have been here for five hours. In that time, three non-employees have walked through the door and stepped into the tavern. Until 20 minutes ago, that number had been one. One is the loneliest number, I'm told, but it's been fantastic talking to my friend John as he does his work, and I do mine. I've spent the past few hours adding links to the Charlottesville Podcasting Network . --- I typed the above two paragraphs, and then got a full bar of five people quite quickly. For 20 minutes, there was hilarity as strangers joked around. Customers four and five were a couple around my age. After staring at the beer list for a few minutes, they both ordered a bourbon and ginger. They seemed to want to be left to themselves, so I carried on cleaning things that didn't really need to be cleaned. Then a bald man with a beard and glasses came in. He was an alternate version of myself, and ordered a medium Fuller's E.S.B. and a cheese pizza. There

At 37

The one line I took away from Monty Python's Holy grail is the phrase "I'm not old. I'm 37," said a character somewhere in the beginning. That line's been a refrain in my head for most of the past year as I've prepared for another birthday. I like to think that we recreate ourselves from time to time, and birthdays tend to inspire me to break out the measuring sticks to see just how the geology of my life is being laid down. I feel like I've taken control of my life to the extent that I can. But to do that, I've let go of such much. I wish I could explain, but increasingly I keep this to my private journals. I think the older I get, the less I want to confess to a public audience. But, I think this is going to be a good year.

Thoughts on Sudden Change

(Warning: This post contains a major spoiler for the show Lost ) I'm a subscriber to the idea that the chapters of our lives are carried upon the backs of gigantic continental plates. Every now and then something happens that causes these slabs of experience to move forward in an incredibly violent manner. When they do, the entire landscape has changed and cannot be put back to normal. The puzzle pieces of a life scatter. In the immediate days that follow, we live off the adrenaline of change, fueled by the imagination of what is possible. Fantasy logic kicks in and the mind travels via flights of fancy. The body, however, begins to feel a pit in the stomach because nothing is quite where it is supposed to be. On Friday, I suddenly left my job at Court Square Tavern and find myself adrift in a new world. For everyone but my former regulars, nothing has changed. Yet, for me everything now seems slightly less certain. At times this mystery is invigorating as life unfolds li

July 2010 Tavern report

This August marks six years of my on-again and off-again employment at Court Square Tavern. My long-term plan is to continue to work there at least three nights a week in order to amass my personal fortune. Of course, this will take us actually increasing our business. I am confident that is happening as we are getting many more regulars. I have a great time there, as I've mentioned. Tonight was one of the slow ones that are less than thrilling. I only had one party of more than two people, and they only had six beers between four people. I was pleased I managed to persuade one of them to try the Zatec Bright Lager , which had been recommended by one of our regulars, who spent years in Prague. Of course, I was also pleased that he and his wife came in this evening. They chatted with a couple from New Jersey who are touring the area to view the homes of the presidents. They did Monticello today and are doing Montpelier tomorrow. They had eaten at Siips and walked up to the t

Thoughts on U.S. Soccer in the World Cup

Landon Donovan and Bob Bradley are being interviewed on the Daily Show, and this is the first time I've seen them talk about their World Cup. It was only three days ago I watched as they failed to beat Ghana. Rather, I didn't watch closely because I had hoped up Court Square Tavern early and I had seven people to serve. It was good, and I was glad to be there getting paid. This is what I do. But, tonight, after a long day reporting my little corner of the world, I'm watching Jon Stewart talking to these guys as if it's okay, as if it's both a big deal and not a big deal that these two men are on national television. For me, I've followed the U.S. Men's team since 1994. And now Stewart is asking a good question that actually is interesting. Can the U.S. avoid divas? England has been faulted for having a side that simply did not gel together. We don't seem to have that, and maybe it's a good thing as we go forward. And we will go forward. And

Fitness update: Long over-due!

I've slowed down my training dramatically and think it's time to step things up. It's been about 18 months since the end of my marriage, and by what I learned from the movie Sideways, I've still got about six months to go before I can be considered to be fully over it. And, as I seem to share tendencies with that film's main character, I suppose I have to at least see that through. And the way I did this, as I've explained, has been through exercise. For the first year, I didn't feel bad at all about taking time off from work when I needed. Gold's Gym was the center of that. I ran entirely on the treadmill for three months, building up my strength before that fateful day I ran my first 5K race. I also lifted weights, and saw a change in my body fairly quickly. Sadly, the weight training has totally dropped out of the routine, and I need to get it back in there. I've been much busier of late, with much less time. Charlottesville Tomorrow is ver

Thoughts on U.S. v Slovenia

I hugged a stranger, awkwardly. Maurice Edu had just been on the other end of a free kick, and connected with a beautiful shot, but it was called offsides. What do you think? While the above was transpiring, the packed house at the Shebeen went crazy. We had come back from a 2-0 deficit, and had done so with style and pure offensive force. We fought and fought and fought and did not give up. How refreshing to see this, in any sport. Everything for U.S. soccer was on the line. They rose to the challenge. They looked good and fought hard today, and if we don't make it through, this is a good result for the program long-term. That's the thing about the World Cup. It has such a long history yet to come, and every match is important. The Guardian called it "the most thrilling match of the World Cup so far" - that means we've arrived on the international stage. We drew, which means that we're still alive. We have 2 points in the group, and need England to no

Reflections on the World Cup and all its brilliance

With less than two hours to go before Mexico and South Africa begin kicking around the Jabulani , I'm more than a bit worried that I'm not going to get nearly enough into this thing. I'll be watching this first match on a computer screen at work, relatively silently as my boss is not a fan of soccer. He's a lacrosse man, and that's just not a sport I can get into at this time. The World Cup comes along every four years and takes over. There's a lot of gravity that attracts me to the spectacle of it all. My first exposure came in 1982 when I was a wee lad. I remember my dad being jealous that some friends of ours in North Carolina were able to watch the final. In Lynchburg, soccer may as well not have existed if you had to rely on the pre-cable media. I knew this was something that was very important to my father, but I didn't really know why. I may have only been paying attention because I'd played soccer the previous fall. That was the only time

Rules for the summer

I'm getting flabby, dear reader. Flabby and my mind is slowing down a bit. I've been allowing myself a little too much recreation and it's time to smooth things out a bit in the hopes of calming my bank account. So, in the interest of creating a healthier me, I'm going to institute some loose rules to guide me. In no particular order: No more soda: I rely on this delicious beverage way too much to get me through the day. Sometimes the benefits outweigh the costs, especially when I get so many for free through work. But, I also spend about $10 a week on 16 ounce Cokes, and I can feel the difference around my waist-line. I hereby propose a full three month moratorium on soda consumption to see what happens. In 1995, I quit soda and lost nearly 15 pounds. In 2010, I just want to lose the padding around my waist that I'm fairly certain comes form consuming these absolutely empty calories. Toning at the gym: I'm paying for gym membership I'm not using, and t

Happy birthday, dad!

Sixty-nine years ago today, my father was born somewhere in Liverpool, England during the middle of World War II. His father was somewhere in Italy and his mother was left alone. He was an only child, though a sister would be born ten years later. I wasn't able to go and see him and my mother today. Frankly, I'd sort of blanked out that Memorial Day and his birthday coincided this year. Instead, I took a day to work around the house and basically relax. It had been a long time since I'd had two days off in a row. But, I was wrong not to try to go and see him. My dad is a very important person and perhaps the biggest influence on who I am today. I grew up idolizing him and wanting to be him. I think I've learned a lot of lessons about self-reliance and self-confidence from him. He and my mother moved over to the United States when they were in their early 20's. They first moved to Canada, but went south because my dad was lured by the prospect of big roads a

Taking stock at the end of May

Working at a slow pace has its advantages. I'm typing this while making an hourly wage at Court Square Tavern , and I'm tinkering on my website, the Charlottesville Podcasting Network . There are only seven customers in here, and I have a feeling that may be about it. It's a holiday weekend, and the last weekend of the month. I've not really marked the occasion of my site's fifth anniversary. In good news, this week I did meet with the folks behind Secretly Y'all and am now hosting podcasts of their stories.  That is much more in line with the reasons for creating the site way back in 2005. I wanted to create a community resource. And, that's what the site has become, even though I've put very little effort into it since joining Charlottesville Tomorrow . That's where my energy goes these days, and I so rarely do anything to maintain the site. Yet, the audio keeps getting posted, and I'm hoping I'll be inspired my new friends to create so

Finding a focus

I need a plan. I find myself saying this a lot now, which is odd, because up until this point I've more or less winged it. This was not necessarily the best way to lead my life, and certainly left me prone to being blindsided from time to time, sometimes with disastrous results. I did not mean to start this whole running thing, and these days there's a war of sorts inside myself as sloth and ambition seem to be campaigning for the time that has gone to running for the past year and a half. I must make sure they don't win. These days, I pretty much just get there and run when I can. I don't have a particular race lined up for the fall, but I need to select one now and begin seriously training for it. My number one goal this year is to run at least one marathon, preferably under four hours. Last night, I ran 11 miles in under 90 minutes, so I may be on track for that still. My fitness is pretty high, and I am getting much better about knowing how to regulate my b

Seedlings bracing for the cold

Tonight, there is a pink sheet and a beige sheet covering the fledgling plants in my garden. I've slowly been transferring the tomato and squash  seedlings to a patch of ground out behind my house. The weather forecast is for frost and I don't want all of my work to go to waste. My kitchen table is occupied with eggplant seedlings that finally graduated from starter tray to container this afternoon. I have completed the first round of my garden. The end of that transition was celebrated yesterday afternoon when Katie made me a cappicola and tomato sandwich with my basil from my own garden. I harvested about ten pieces, and none of the plants seem worse for the experience. Gardening appears to be the running of 2010. Last year, I transformed myself by learning how to run, and I'm still learning what I need to do to get better. This year, I'm enjoying the challenge of exploring solitude by paying close attention to little creatures that I chose to bring into th

Passings, passages, and pastures

I'm likely halfway through my life, if my life were something that were simply measured up against an actuarial table. In reality, I have no idea how much longer I have. None of us do, really. Is it morbid to think about the end? People often interpret me that way when I write or say comments like the one above. I think it's important to think about death, and the light that this one ninevitable fact shines so strongly upon the rest of our lives. Who do we want to be? How do we want to be remembered? How can we make the most of whatever time we have on this magnificent yet bewildering world upon which our lives turn? Death hasn't called upon many people in my life, so it's kind of a shock when two people I know die in the course of a month. One was Tim Davis, murdered in cold blood when he watching the sunset in the mountains. Those facts still shock me, and his passing makes me regret all I could have learned from him about radio. The other was Marvin Hilton

Splurging on the Flaming Lips

Seven years ago, I began the process of falling in love with someone to the Flaming Lips album "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots." Futuristic themes of fate were presented in songs such as "All We Have Is Now" and "Do You Realize?" and they resonated with me. I can't fully time travel myself back to a point where my synapses are firing in that same way. But I do recall that at the time I was very unhappy. Listening to the songs over and over in the spring of 2003 filled me with some sense of urgency that I'd better try to seize happiness no matter the cost. There's a certain danger when you selectively pull things from the collective consciousness to suit your needs, but every now and then you have to take a leap of faith in the hopes that the next continent will be more fruitful. I can honestly say I don't have any regrets about the damage done as that particular morality play unfolded. The details, however, are not for public consum

To finish a blog post

Lately, I've been unable to finish any of the drafts that I've started here for this little ol' blog.  I'm tried writing about my garden, tried to write about the ten-miler, tried to write about the death of Tim Davis. I sit down and start, but I can't finish. The chief reason why I don't finish anything is that my leisure time has more or less disappeared, again. For reasons I can't state publicly, it's important for me to work as much as possible and this more or less means taking on additional work at Court Square Tavern. Last night, I worked at Tastings for the second time, this time as a waiter. Every day of my life these days feels like a trip to the dentist, filled with a mixture of dread, terror and numb. Yet, there are still glimpses of pure joy. I don't feel sad, though I certainly don't feel this life has shaped up the way I thought it might and there are tremendous wells of sadness all around me. I have to constantly be on battl

Race Report: Catching up with ketchup

This morning I ran the first repeat 5K of my racing days - the Zeta Tau Alpha Run for Life . Last year, it was my second race of my life. Since then I've ran a few other races. I wanted to run this one as a warm-up for the 10-Miler next week, to remember what the feeling is like of competing with other people so that I don't overdo it from the start. This morning, I could not find either of my watches. I don't know where my Garmin is, or my cheap Timex. I spent 30 minutes or so frantically searching my house. I even considered not running the face because I was worried I'd have the same issue I've had in all other races I've run so far - puking because I run way too fast without realizing it. It's easy to get caught up in the adrenaline when someone shouts "go!" and a thousand footfalls drum you on. At the start today, I held back and tried to pretend it was just another run on a sunny Saturday morning in the cold. I did not fool myself. Aft

In the right place

The place is maybe a quarter full, and there's good music playing. Bob is sitting at the bar doing whatever it is he does when he's here, drinking his two beers while listening to music on his yellow headphones. There's a group of four guys who have split three pitchers of beer. The only one wearing glasses decided to try out three different kinds of beer. There's five people sitting at another table who stopped drinking an hour or so ago, but they're still talking about philosophy and religion. The big group is taking up the forties. They've had maybe 30 pints between them, as well as some shots. They're a lot of fun, and I got to do some dramatic acting with them earlier. Only a second or so, but it was fun to try to make them laugh. A trio came in about 30 minutes ago and are busy taking pictures of themselves. One of them is drinking a ginger ale while the others nurse a couple of pints. When I'm here, I don't question if I'm doing what I'