A better tomorrow

In March 1999, I went with some friends to a house on the Chesapeake Bay, or the northern neck of the Potomac, or some other house in a place I did not yet realize would be significant later in life. We were there to play music, and we recorded two and a half hours of improvised punk rock. 

One of the songs was this one, called Better Tomorrow. Looking back now, this track is very much a journal about where I was at that point of my life and what I wanted, how I wanted to create  a life for myself that was mine despite all of the influences on me. I wanted a different life. 

And here I am, 14 years later and I certainly have one of those. There are many who have had similar lives, and I am learning to listen to their stories. Some of them find their way into the songs I make now. I have the ability to capture whatever it is I want to say when I'm ready to brave the uncertainty of an open microphone.

I'm glad I have this skill, and this hobby of documenting my life through sound. I want to write actual songs, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Something isn't quite right, and I seem to need to have my journals serve as audio accompaniments to my life now with all of its twists and turns.

I hope to share more of that in this space over the next while because I have the ability to do so. We live in age where it is possible for me to get this out there, if only to serve as another way for me to access it remotely. And, who knows? Maybe someone will see the value in it over the ages.

I'm past the point where I want to explain why I do what I do. I'm a singer, and that means I need to apply my ability to write to my passion to belt out words in an artful manner. I've come a long way since these recordings. I've had a lot of experience in life, and that informs the cryptic lyrics that come out of me when I'm in the middle of becoming the part of me that needs to express myself artistically.

I'm not perfect or good and I don't want to win anyone over. What I want to do is keep improving, keep getting better at getting in touch with myself. After all, when I make music, that is when I feel the most free. The second most free is when I believe in what I am doing, and know that I am working to improve.

But I'm doing so at my own speed. I have a busy life, and I can only devote a small fraction of active time to this. That is why I favor my method of recording improvisational sessions. Inside of these sessions, I work on songs and I am definitely progressing towards a set of songs. I need a new production method to make them happen, I suspect, and I am working on that.

I'm raw. But this is me, and this is how I experience my life. I'm glad I am living in a better tomorrow where this is all possible.