Boxing Day at Court Square Tavern. My horoscope told me today I needed to watch my accounts and watch any habits that may be forming, so I'm likely going to head home after closing up in about 30 minutes from now. Everything's been done, so I'm just waiting out the two tables I have left. One is a group of guys, and the other is a trio. I'm assuming these are folks getting together in a quiet space so they can chat while listening to some music and enjoying a cold beverage.
Just the service I like to provide.
This last month has been a whirlwind of activity. I'm definitely not who I was a year ago when I was despondent and mourning the end of my marriage. I wasn't sure what would happen with the children, what would happen with me, and wondering if I was going to make it.
I made it, most definitely. But, now I'm wondering how I can improve a little more. And, of course, I'm wondering where I'll be a year from now.
My "therapy" has mostly consisted of not asking that sort of question of myself. Or rather, being okay if I couldn't quite see the answer. I took things one day at a time. I reordered my sense of self, and allowed myself to have a little breathing space.
Never underestimate the power of breathing. My running has taught me that. My new-found ability to cope with stress has been the primary beneficiary. By extension, those I come into contact with have also been much happier.
Our job as humans should be to reduce stress, first for ourselves, and then for those around us. I am hopeful that as 2010 draws near, I can extend outward and look a little less inward. Our species is filled with paradoxes and contradictions.
The Rolling Stones' "Ruby Tuesday" comes on, flooding me with memories of being a child at Hilton Head, hearing this song for the first time and being infatuated with it. I take a deep breath and think of all the songs that have filled me with joy, filled me with a sense that I'm connected to this place and time, and to all the other places and times that have occurred. I can imagine pubs filled with people singing this song at the top of their lungs, everyone temporarily united.
Music has reduced my stress level, as I have renewed my attempt at realizing the notes in my head. I've learned to take confidence in the nascent ability I have to put words to music. I am not sure if I will ever manage to fully materialize these dreams into reality, but the journey is what matters.
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