A realization that should be marked publicly

Is this thing on?

I'm writing this from a crowded tasting room somewhere in Charlottesville. I'm ostensibly finishing up work for the day by going through a list of stories to see what I need to do next. My job has been merciless of late, and I have a rare chance today to catch up on looking forward.

So, what is this realization that should be marked publicly?

I don't really know, to be sure. Of course, I have an idea or two, but I don't have any ability to commit my private thoughts into the public realm at this time. This is something I was able to do in the past, but I'm much more hesitant to do so now. 

Instead, I'm sitting in a public space writing out ideas for future stories, tackling a tickle list of stories. I don't know anyone here, and no one knows me. These are my fellow residents, skewing in age from mid-twenties to mid-fifties.

But I don't know any of them. And I never will. 

I was going to write more about how little family I have, and how I mostly live alone except the times when my two American children are here. I've mostly created a family for myself through Court Square Tavern, but for whatever reason I don't seem to be adding any more close connections through there. It's not a place where I feel I can totally myself anymore. 

So, tonight I came here to the Three Notched Brewery to do some work and prepare for the next set of feature stories I will write for Charlottesville Tomorrow. I am about to celebrate my seventh anniversary there, and I am at a point where I am wondering if it's still what I want to do. I am so torn about this but I need to decide who I want to be soon. 

I'm so proud of this place. There's a good crowd and I don't recognize anyone here. I'm sitting in a comfortable chair drinking a 40 Mile IPA, so named after Jack Jouett's epic journey to Court Square to warn the Virginia legislature that British troops were on their way. I'm sitting in a building that used to be the Monticello Dairy, and where I once worked for a catering company. I remember being in this space, or somewhere close to this space, when I was 20 and visiting a good friend who lived in Charlottesville at the time as a UVA student. 

I have a connection with this building, the same way I have a connection with the former Monticello Hotel. Yet this is more of a third space than the one I wish I could create. 

Maybe there are several realizations in this post. I don't know anymore. I just know I'm going to hit publish.