The grayed out sky

The water pours in, endlessly, bathing me in a sea of regret. The holiday approaches and I can't seem to escape the feeling of isolation that's on its way. One solid day of solitude, coming right up!

I had hoped this would be a better December than the others, but no matter what something seems to always go south and I'm stuck with myself, barreling closer and closer into a lifetime that seems to be stuck in isolation. 

It won't always be this way. But how does it stop? How do I get out of this well and into the next orbital? Why can I not store up the energy? Why won't lightning strike?

Seems these days like the colors have faded from the sky, from the landscape, from the air. I know why this, and know how I could change things... but the remedy would be worse than the daily reality. It's not that I am not courageous. It's that I am no longer reckless.

So, I shall withstand this time. It's the dark time, the holidays. I shall withstand the regrets, the negativity, the siren songs. I shall resist the temptation to fall deeply into the hole.