Citizen 1,012,301,021

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A complete list of everything I am allowed to say

on June 16, 2015

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I'm alive.

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Lessons from the barrel of a gun

So, at least I can now say that I know what it's like to be at the end of a loaded firearm. Last night I fell asleep at at about nine, something I've done not in a while. I didn't mean to. I just put my head down and crashed. But, I usually only get about five to six hours of sleep a night, so I popped right back up at around 2:30 or so, and could not go back under. After an hour of laying there I decided to get up, and went downstairs into my basement office. I decided to watch Chuck , which I missed last Monday. More on that later. I goofed off for a while, hoping I'd get tired again. At about 4:30 or so, my dog started barking in the space above my head. He was very agitated. This annoyed me an awful lot, as I'm sure it was bothering my wife. He usually growls anytime there's a cat outside, which is a lot. Sometimes a dog or some other critter will get into our mud room. Billy was upset, and Amy opened the door to the basement and cried down for me. "The...

Better days will come... right?

Oh, I do try to hang in there. I really do. I know better days are coming. At 4:30 AM this morning I was holding my one-year-old trying to get him to go back to sleep, and it was frustrating, and I had no one to help me. I know single mothers have this experience all the time, and I know that my one-year-old has the same experience as well. I finally got him down after rocking him back to sleep for 45 minutes or so, stepping back and forth in this dance that seems to comfort him. I watched some of an episode of the Wire to stop myself from dwelling on the situation that has lead to being a single parent, co-parenting with their mother. When I finally was brave enough to try lying down again, All things considered, I got through the night relatively unscathed. He slept a solid six hours straight-through before beginning his routine of waking every hour or so. I slept about six hours in total last night, though not consecutively. Tonight, I'll do it all over again. When I'm exhau...

The appropriateness of the location

I was last in this spot forty-four years ago when I was six years of age and much of who I was had already been defined inside of me. Maybe time acts a lot differently than we think it appears, and all of our moments have already happened and we stretch out across a predefined path. This is what I'm going with, at least, as I sit in a space I remember very differently but never really give it too much thought. My memory matches, but where I'm typing this used to be a field but now its concrete. It is perhaps fitting that it is a chain restaurant and my wandering mind wants to look up the date of this building and place together when this space was transformed. Either way, I'm about a quarter mile away from the place I learned to read, a place where I heard the Beatles for the first time, the place where I was fascinated with what my older siblings were doing and the lives they had. We were only here for two and a half years, but without that time there is no way that I...

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