I bought candy just in case, but I have a suspicion no one will be coming to the door. It's raining, and I think people haven't really rebounded since the pandemic. I find I don't remember the last two years, but know I got candy both times. There were a few people here and there, but not many.
I have no love for Halloween, but this year I look forward to the other holidays to come. This is always the hardest time of year in the past few years but this time I want to embrace the moment.
At this moment, the lights are off next door despite next door having the most elaborate Halloween decorations of anybody on this side of town. This brings me joy, and I'm glad to have my neighbors.
It's strange how the anticipation of wondering if people are going to come by is making me feel very nervous. Not really disappointed, but just wondering if this tradition is coming to an end. Or if my involvement with it is coming to an end. I worked all weekend and for me the holiday is a time when there's not as much as work and I feel unsettled by that.
Anyway, part of me died a long time ago and it's okay for the rest of me to grow back into something new.... or something without as many memories. I wish I could just turn off the feeling of feeling like an alien. Dressing up doesn't do it for me.
A lot of me died. I survived over all, and transformed, but the person I was five years ago isn't who I am anymore. I don't really like anything except doing research and working and learning and when that dries up.... it's scary.
I'm going to copy this over to my blog and delete it here. I do that a lot, or copy it to an archive. Writing lays me bare, but i know now that people often take advantage of my inability to being anything less than who I am.
Anyway, anyone want some candy? I don't. Candy makes me feel ill if I have more than one bag or so.
No one so far. Definitely more of a blog post.
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