I don't write about much of it. At the moment I am archiving segments from Charlottesville Community Engagement to Information Charlottesville. I'm also skimming through election paperwork to write up a list of candidates in the Fifth District for this week's Fifth District newsletter. I really like doing that one.
For much of the day I've just felt off. For most of the fall, I was motivated by early rising, but since the solstice I feel myself wanting to sleep more. That rest allows me to eventually get to the work when I am ready to do it.
Is the archival work I'm doing now serving an actual purpose, or is it all in the name of satisfying my ego? After all, I want prove that I existed and that I had purpose.
Today I changed the name of the blog again. I took the number down by about 400 million. The idea is to have a rough estimate of where I am if you were to list everyone alive in birth order. I started off in the 3 billions I think when I started this back in 2004.
This is the second blog I made. The other was on Geocities and I still have it somewhere saved on a hard drive. Even that's an extension of work I did with bulletin board systems in high school.
I keep it going for some reason. At this point I have stopped using Twitter, but I'm able to make a living off of a Substack newsletter, and am working to expand all of that. I'm very glad to be doing the work, even though there's always a need to be writing now. I don't have much of a work life balance but maybe that's a comfort that I can't really afford at the moment.
Anyway, things are pretty good. I've often used this blog to be pretty dark and weird and express those thoughts. I do that to vent those feelings and once they are in words I am free to move on to be myself in some other fashion. I am a kaleidoscope of many thoughts and I have chosen a path of writing to try to capture them so I can understand myself. I'm alive and it's a magnificent feeling sometimes.
But, it's also not magnificent a lot of the times. There are times when certain losses make themselves known in the fiber of my being. I've learned to try to get through these feelings because I don't want to be ruled by the sad things that have happened. I want to concentrate on the positive and work toward it.
And that's why I do what I do. I want my life to have meant something and I always have. Right now I want to spend as much of it as possible doing the work researching a place where I live, and where I have lived. I am alive and I have done a lot of writing to try to figure out as much as I can, and that's what I am here to do.
I spend almost all of my time alone now. I have two cats who keep me company but I've mostly retreated into a life where it's just me. I had a housemate for a while but I couldn't work when he was here. He's doing well.
It's been a life and a lot of it is here on this blog. This is my blog as a private citizen, as much as I can be one. I don't promote it anymore, but may in the future. I want to keep writing somewhere that isn't Facebook, and I want to also connect back to all of the other times when I didn't know who I was and I sat down to capture it, so I could remember who I was. I have a hard time sometimes remembering who I am, knowing I could be end up in a different life one day doing something very different from this.
It's just that the opportunity doesn't come up.
Anyway, I guess this is a bit of a blog reset.
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