Documenting the moment

I'm numb. I have tickets to see a show I'd like to see but it's in Richmond. I need to be able to be back in Lynchburg at a moment's notice. My mother is not doing well and has been deteriorating since she got to the Summit less than three months ago. 

I was down there for five days last week. I've not written it all down but I probably have to put it all together. I also have a lot of work to do. 

I don't want to do any of it. But I will begin to get to it because I've built an engine to get the work done. This involves turning my brain off a little bit, but I think I can do that if I just float a little down the river. 

There's no content in this one but I have to use this blog to capture my thoughts rather than put them out on social media. Sometimes I confuse my need to write things out with a need to share what I'm doing with anyone who might care. 

I do the former to help myself think.

I do the latter to help myself feel less alone.

Both are important but I need to be more careful about what I write in public. 

So I'll try to transfer here. And I may add more things retroactively given that this may end up being my public archive anyway. I do all of the writing in the hope of being remembered one day.

As my mother's health continues to worsen, I feel I'm also going to have to write out more of her life in order to help her story be told. I feel I've let her down by not doing more of that in the future. 

It's all about documenting the moment. That's why I'm alive.