No, I am not.
Yet the feeling in the first sentence is always strong as I doubt my authenticity in my own life. There are always voices that tell me I'm not good enough, especially at times in my life when I've let myself down.
I'll let myself out, shall I?
No. I will not.
The feeling in the first sentence must be examined, which for me means tapping away at the keys in front of me to combine letters into words which may or may not carry a thought that was in my head. This is authentic, even though ephemeral typing away in a medium that doesn't really exist anywhere.
I'm going to need to do better if I'm going to carry these thoughts along for a longer period of time. There may be a sense of urgency required, but I find that mostly makes everything worse.
I woke up today before the sunrise which is something I want to do every day so I can have time to myself before the construction begins. The leaves are on the trees again and I am waking up to the possibility I can maybe relax my way into spring and summer and perhaps not work as hard as i did in the winter and the fall.
But if I am not working, do I have a purpose?
There is no answer at the moment. Only a newsletter to write.
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