I'm not sure how it works most days. On this day I woke up really not wanting to work. The sheer onslaught of what's happening with the coup in the United States of America is shutting down my brain, and those who seek to destroy this nation for their own gain are counting on me and others rolling over.
The only thing I can do is my job, whatever that means. I'm self-employed and I have a lot of options for where things can go from here. I get paralyzed thinking about that, too, as well as the fact that it's my youngest child's birthday and I won't see them.
That's not why I started this post, but it's an important fact I suppose as I tell you what is happening at this moment. What's happening is that I will put together a newsletter and will aim to have it concluded in about six hours. I've done this so many times that I know I will manage to accomplish that task.
I'm not sure how this works, but it's what I've done for a while now, and I don't know how long it will continue. I don't know what to do but this, but I also know informing people is important even if it doesn't seem to get me any additional connections to people. I keep losing those.
Right now, I'm listening to The Brown Album by Primus because this music wakes me up. I know where I picked off from yesterday audio-wise, so I know I'll begin that aspect of the day's work in a while. People will read the stories.
What stories did I do yesterday? I went socializing early so I didn't really do a good handover to the next day.
How much money do I have? Can I trust the system at this point or have criminals been given over access to how things work? How much surveillance will happen now, and how long until people give in and accept that bullies and thieves are now in charge of government justice?
I'll at least update the spreadsheet.
I have enough money to go to the grocery store to get the ingredients for the dishes I am going to cook, and that's all the info I need now. I have bills to pay but I have a while. I need to think about what I'll get my son. Can I email him? Am I allowed to email him? I've lived under authoritarian rule for a while now, so terrified of getting him in trouble by showing interest in his life.
I'm going to go get ingredients in 20 minutes.
I spend two minutes trying to update the story spreadsheet. I get distracted by something and realize I have to go look at the Guardian. I can't trust an American outlet at this point as they are all compromised. This is actually happening, a criminal president elected and demanding bribes in the form of settlements of frivolous lawsuits.
The news that the President of the United States has said that he will send U.S. Troops to Gaza to resettle Palestinians elsewhere is very unsettling and it's madness and then I think how can I tell a story about that here, because these are seismic things and I have to devote myself to figuring out how I will tell those stories along with the other ones. I do not have anywhere to run and I have a duty to tell the stories as I need to do so.
It's so much. It's like a foreign power has taken over and wants to set fire from within, and at this point you know it's all made of tinder.
I updated the post from yesterday on the Virginia General Assembly and I've got five minutes left until when I said I would get up to go to the grocery store. Yet I'm in that moment when I could easily get into the work.
So I'd better address the newsletter file for today and get a little more down the line.
I wrote the opening section and now will put in the newsletter ads and then I will go to the store. Or I may not. Now I need to get to work.
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