Have I used that phrase here before? Many days come now when I wake up and my first thought is whether it may be time to begin a new chapter for my life. I am not certain I want to invest seven days a week of my life into this community. Then again it's morning still and I'm trying to wake up.
The sheer amount of work I am capable of doing seems to be the point. But then if I look back at it for a moment and realize what role I play, I suddenly feel more connected.
Yet if I stop to think about it, then the now falls apart and I can see different places. Will I go there again or will I stay here?
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| There is so much wealth that imaginary moments can so easily be discarded and what do we have but those moments? I do not know what will happen but I find the process of pondering to be fruitful in this moment. I should be on the business of work but instead I'm going through files from the past while thinking about what my future might be like while also cleaning up the inside of my house because perhaps it could be more useful. I do know that I am glad I stopped being a catering server. The images in this post are from an event I worked at the Trump winery on June 11, 2017. That time is so far gone now, but the ice horse seemed so majestic. And then it was gone. Writing his now I have a lot of thoughts but I'm glad I stopped doing that work. I would go on to work for rich people and I guess I still do now to some extent. But I also work for myself and I'm very absent-minded when I want to pretend I don't want to talk to someone. Or something like that. I have two more minutes of this free play time before I get on with structured play to allow myself more joy in the world. I have a lot I want to get to today and I will work because the day is going according to plan. This is where we are and I will play my role. I don't know yet what that is, so I should keep up this practice of writing and sifting and sorting through the nonsense. It's time to let go of a lot of things and be ready to be flexible. I remember standing there at the end of this shift looking at this this corpse and feeling a sense of sadness that all of this wealth went into a moment that passed. I got paid $15 an hour to be there and probably took home a lot of leftovers. I worked hard and walked over ten miles. It wasn't a bad way to spend time, but I wasn't working on my own stuff.  Now that's all I do. Though I will note this post was supposed to be called The Albion Gambit but that got deleted and so it doesn't make sense. But this is all part of the sifting. |
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