As I watch the beginning of a football match at Liverpool, I find myself feeling cheated of a life I could have had. I am at a time when I do not feel connected to where I live, and feel I can never connect because of the work I do. I provide a service, and to provide that service I have to be ever vigilant.
I don't know what the ceremony is at the moment and they're not telling us, but there's something about The 97 and I could look it up but what would the point be? I will likely never be there and knowing won't change anything.
I go into silence too and suddenly I realize its about the Hillsborough deaths when 97 were killed in the stands and then emotion floods me again. I feel connected to something, much more than I will ever feel connected to anything in this country. I am an outsider and that's how it will always be.
Until I can find a way out. I don't know if I can find a way out. I know I belong, but I will always be aloof, just above the atmosphere. Distant.
Maybe that will make it easier to disappear.
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