Many observers might note that I am not a very happy person. And this might be a correct observation. My life these days works on autopilot as I work to get a newsletter out on most days, and on the days I am not I am trying to get ready for the next one.
This has been a bit isolating and I'm not sure I want to continue forever. I want to try to find another pathway, one that might take me away from Charlottesville finally.
I have thought about this often and generally I fall into the sunk cost fallacy, even it might be true. I reason that I've been here for a long time now, and I own my house, so continuing the work is the pathway to success.
Yet, life feels very dull here and isolated.
So I think about other ideas, and generally I am interested in history and trying to figure out how to teach it and make it interesting to people. I am interested in getting people to think. I want to know how to do this better, as my work for many years has had an educational component.
So maybe the history of journalism? Maybe try to get some sense of why I do the work I do and why I do it? Perhaps I could study while continuing the work?
Either way, I'm not sure. The more I type out about leaving the area, the more I begin to think about what I need to get done. I make my living paying attention to the community, and there's always something else to write.
Yet, I'm empty otherwise. I'm not meeting people who interest me, or it doesn't seem that I do.
I am also aware that I bore most people, especially friends.
In any case, the time has come to get back to work, even if that means just noodling around on a Saturday while watching football. I would like the idea of moving to England very much and perhaps when my parents pass that is what I will do.
For now, I need to just see what happens if I allow myself to relax on a day off. I do not plan to see anyone except myself and whoever might be at the store should I go.
For now? For all time.
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