I feel like the decision has been made to leave and now it is a question of two choices.
- Sudden break with an aim to be gone by the first of the year and disconnect the company immediately and disclaim the end of my journalism career and just keep going until the end
- Sustained emphasis on the work of the business while I try over a longer period of time to find a place to land.
I do not want to leave my house. I don't want to look at where the trees used to be. Naturally I do glance out the window and see their absence.
This incident makes everything seem fragile here. I've done a lot of work to try to inform people of what's coming up and I failed in this case. I let myself down. And now I see anger everywhere.
I don't have health insurance. Not really. I don't have the money to go to the doctor or anything like that. The aches and pains come and go and sometimes some of them stick around. My shoulder flares up when I am awake and stays that way until I begin to drink for the day.
The only choice is to isolate and find a way out of here. Time to pack up, even if the journey won't begin for years.
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| Barren landscape with nothing to do with me |
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