Trying to rebound and realizing I bounce back into the void

For now I have no choice but to do the work and keep going. And that includes the isolation, too. 

"Sometimes the best we can do is build the strongest bubble we can," I wrote to a friend of mine yesterday who is a fellow isolate. 

"I like bubbles," she wrote back. "It can be lonely, though."

I keep myself away from everyone, the way I learned when I was young and couldn't even conceive that anyone would want to spend time with me. 

Some may understand this feeling but most don't. When my father told me I was a mistake child when I was 11 or so, I lost all ability to truly believe in myself. That was over 40 years ago and I've been a total mess ever since.

I don't think there's any going back to any kind of normal. I just want to feel like I'm moving to something more than inevitable death. None of the work I do has any meaning at the moment, nor does it really pay. Surely I could find another way forward. 

But all there is work.

I can't go anywhere else because there's nothing else to do.

There is always Shop Rite...