Winter still has another month left to throw new darts at me, but I've become more adept at swerving. The dust from the continental shift is settling, but it is not time to dance. Not quite yet. The planets are still readjusting and there's no regular orbit. Still, the transition is proceeding more smoothly than one might expect.
I think I've made my way through the five steps of grief. I think I've accepted what has taken place and I'm beginning to enjoy my life again. Last night, I had a rare Saturday night out on the town with friends and not once did I feel sorry for myself, or sad that my marriage is over. There should be a merit badge.
Last night's destination was the X-Lounge, a place that previously felt absolutely alien to me when I was in a relationship. My friends and I hung out on the upper deck and watched people for most of the evening, complaining about the low quantity of alcohol in our drinks. My friends attempted to explain how a man should dance, and I was very grateful for their efforts. I don't think I did very well, but more lessons are promised.
I'm learning to move in this new way, and while I'm not entirely comfortable with it yet, I'm also not second guessing myself. I'm trying to just accept and be open to things that could come my way. And, if they don't come my way, my smile is turning into a shield that wards off negativity.
I am trying to reject negativity in all of its forms. What good does it do? The other day I was at the gym on the treadmill before work, and Dr. Phil was all I had to watch. My iPod had temporarily died, and so I watched Dr. Phil explain anger to Tyler Perry. The misspelled words
on the closed captioning told me what I already knew. When you're a person prone to anger, you get used to that. When you visualize yourself in a negative way, you are that person.
I'm not that person. I'm not bitter at the moment. I'm not angry. In fact, I'm incredibly happy. I can't say why yet, but I think it will all work out. There will be a new harmony as the mother of my Charlottesville kids and I learn how to work towards the shared goal of raising happy and well-adjusted children.
I am open for whatever comes my way. Life does not have to be a baffling puzzle. Life is this beautiful string on which we dance for a limited time only. May as well be as magnificent as possible, don't you think?