Dealing with my inability to tie shoes

I don't know why, exactly, but I seem to have the inability to tie shoes. If you see me on the streets, chances are I have two weed wacker blades spinning around my feet as I walk. Strangers always tell me to be careful, but I never seem to trip. I double-knot, triple-knot and sometimes even quadruple knot. But, they still come untied. Each and every time. I have sort of come to accept it as one of my quirks.

But, my roommate told me politely the other night that this little quirk may be a hindrance as I enter the dating scene. She said that women tend to look at a man's shoes very quickly as part of the sizing-up process. I imagine a check-sheet somewhere with a series of categories. Looks would be on there. Height. Shoe size. Clothes. Mannerisms. Demeanor. Untied shoes may not be a distinct category, but they certainly won't help.

So, what shall I do? Is there a shoe tying course I could take? Maybe I could take that course as part of a bundle where I can learn more about clothes in general, as well as tying ties. The other week, I had to have my boss tie one. Yes, at 35, I still can't tie a tie properly. I've begun wearing ties because I'm trying to improve my ranking on the check-sheet, even though I'm not fully "out there" just yet.

I'd like to think, though, that my inability to keep shoes tied means something. But what? Is there something symbolic going on here, something about how I'm connected to this world in which we live? After all, the feet are what connect us to the ground, and at a fundamental level, I seem to be slightly askew.

Or is just an indicator of me being sloppy and having a particularly embarrassing learning difficulty? Does it have something to do with my roommate's guffaws with laughter last week at a honky-tonk in Pensacola when I got up to dance and my fly was down? Not sure. But it's fun to speculate.


TheFoodGeek said...

If I may suggest: shoes that don't require tying. Perhaps some manner of dress shoe. They make some reasonably comfortable ones now.

Andrew said...

One word: Boots.