9/23/2010

On having a beard, again

For some reason, I've grown a beard again. I've decided to sport the bald head and unkempt face look for a while. I'm a bit puzzled as to why I've done this, but here I am, wooly and furry again.

Of course, it's now at the point where my beard is exploding in a curly manner, a firework of follicles. Red, white, black and brown hairs all shooting out from my face, redefining how I look.

I seem to do this about once a year, change up how I look. I seem to need to transform myself every so often, just to try not to be the same person. I'm not sure why this is.

Meanwhile, little things continue to mark who I am. I never seem to be able to tie my right shoe. I get incredibly animated if I have a lot to do. Nothing in my brain or mind seems to have changed.

Oh, how it's itched to get to this point. I've scratched, and I've scratched and I've scratched. I've almost given up many times, like I did earlier this summer when I tried before to grow a beard.

Soon it will be cold, we hope. And when it is, I shall be prepared. I am hoping I will return to the days when I was disciplined, and I can begin running again in earnest. I seem to run three times a week, but not necessarily every week.

I am aware that I am becoming more boring again, drilling right into the core of what I need to do, which is to figure out how to make a good enough living to support my kids, my ambitions, and my debt.

I now look a little like I did two years ago, when life was incredibly different. I don't remember that time now. I likely won't remember today in two years if I don't write it down, if I don't make an attempt.

My dog is incredibly itchy due to this very dry house, this very dry summer that has given way to hotumn. He's panting despite the air conditioning, and I wonder if he's ever thought about shaving his entire body. I seem to be emulating him again, somewhat.

I look forward to the time when I can shave this beard off. I'm committed to it now, but I do look forward to being having a clean face.

I've had a beard most of my adult life. Shaving it off was an attempt to redefine myself. Now, it seems to have come back organically, like it was never gone. I look a little different this time around, several pounds lighter and with a shaved head. And, I've got glasses again, thanks to the magical work of the Spectacle Shop on the downtown mall, just a few steps down from my office.

It's the fall now, and despite the heat, you can tell the winter is trying to emerge from the summer, the battle set to occur this fall. One day, the trees will like sticks, and everyone will coats, jackets and silly hats. Maybe it will snow a lot this winter.

I still have two glasses of snow from the big snowfall from last December, the one that transformed our little corner of the world in such a dramatic way. That weekend was among the best I've had in my life, and I'm still living in a world created when Charlottesville got covered.

Now my face is covered again, and here I am, still wondering what form life will take in the next few weeks, months, and years. Change can happen in the blink of an "I want to do things differently."

Meanwhile, life ticks along much as it has, as I work hard at two jobs to make ends meet, my labor the engine that fuels my day-to-day existence. I'm fortunate to have two very interesting careers happening at the same time. On the one hand, I'm a journalist reporting about matters I find terribly important. On the other, I am trying to help rebuild a business that's somewhat out of step with these times in which we live.

What are these times in which we live? I'm aware that there is much anger all around me, but yet I seem to have chosen a path where I have decided I don't want to enter into it. I acknowledge the unhappiness and the misfortune, but I want to opt for something different.

So, wooly days are ahead, time for sweaters and crisp October nights.

No comments: