1/11/2012

On the recent lack of posting and searching for a way forward

I've kept this blog for several years now after keeping one for a few years in the late 1990's before the word was coined. I'm not sure I'll be very prolific in 2012.

There is a value in having a forum to write out my most important thoughts for others to see. I've tended to feel less lonely and more connected to people by being able to write out what I think about things.

These days I'm writing privately rather than publicly. I have so many drafts in blogger that I don't really want to be public. I get the impulse to write about what's going on in my life, and then I think better of hitting publish. I've lost the sense of what this blog should be about now that I mostly use Twitter, Facebook and Google+ to get my thoughts out there.

I'm currently not nearly as interested in writing about running. This could be because I've not raced since Thanksgiving.

I'm currently not interested in writing about Court Square Tavern because I've already said pretty much everything I need to say about it, and I'm still in the same basic situation of wanting to quit but not being able to do so.

I'm not interested in writing about my personal feelings or my bouts with depression. I was for so long, and credit keeping this blog with keeping me positive in the last few months.

I'm not interested in writing about my love life, something I've never really done on this blog. There are a lot of great stories, but they are private ones best left for friends in email or over conversations at the tavern.

It's a shame, in a way, because life as a single man in his late thirties is fairly amusing and interesting. I never expected my life would be like this.

I am interested in writing about being a father who doesn't live with this children. I have them at my house one day a week. The rest of the time, they live with their mothers. My children are the most important people in the world to me, and I have grown accustomed to not having them around every day. If I pause for a moment and think about this for too long, the notes of depression's siren song begin to sound.

I'd like to write more about what I see on a day to day basis as I go about my life here in Charlottesville. I'd like to capture little vignettes as a way of exercising my observational skills.

But at the moment, I can't seem to recall anything I've learned today. I had one of the most nerve-wracking days at work, trying to write a story but not quite knowing what form it was going to take. Now the story is done and I'm listening to a woman explain her support for a particular project for the Crozet area. I'll write this story up tomorrow for work but for now I'm just listening to what she has to say. I'll sort through all of that tomorrow.

For tonight, I lack focus. I'm ready to be off work and doing something that is not sitting in an auditorium at a public meeting. This will not happen for at least another two hours.

But hey, first blog post of the year down, right? That's got to count for something.

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