11/05/2014

Commentary on recent events

I'm sitting at Court Square Tavern waiting for a story to come back so I can post it to Charlottesville Tomorrow. I'm not especially happy with the story as I had to write it on deadline and I didn't have time to squeeze more details and context into an article that I suspect many people won't understand or read. 

I hope they read it. And I hope they'll ask me questions. Life is complex, life is multi-faceted, life is much more than anything I think it to be. 

I'm sitting here and there's a cable person on talking about national news. I pay attention to national news, but I don't write about them, and I don't comment. I pay attention to state news, but I don't write state news. 

My realm is local government in the City of Charlottesville and Albemarle County. And, I'm hoping that people will have questions for me. 

I'm sitting here waiting, and then I'll go home to an empty house except for the cats. I am the only customer here, and I'd rather be in a place with people in it, a place with life. I love this place, but time is passing it by, and I'm worried that I'm going to pass along with it.

And that would be a shame. I think I have something to say about the world, about the nation, about the state, about the community I live in. I think I have something to say about division, about humanity, about resisting fear, about encouraging hope. 

I don't know about you, but I live my life trying to overcome my fears. I try to investigate and analyze every thought I have to make sure that it is consistent with my values. I try to make sure I am not ever reacting from any of my negative emotions, and I try to be the best person I can be.

My job is to explain things about how human society organizes itself. I would relish the chance to get paid to write about other areas, but I am determined to do the best job I can in helping people understand how things work. I know that people tend to get upset when they don't understand things, and I know that people who are upset can be manipulated.

One of my core values is to not manipulate people. I believe, deep down, that we're all capable of dynamic thought. This is bedrock for me, because I know my own opinion on things has changed radically over the years. 

I'm sitting here at Court Square Tavern, a place I love, but a place where not many people are going to come in to enjoy the experience the way I experience it. This place is one where I can go home and not be alone. I've been a single man for almost six years now with only a few short-lived relationships that all ended for various reasons.

They likely did because my job comes second, only after my children, in terms of priorities. I can't seem to fit anyone into my life because I have a job that doesn't have a clear start and stop time. I'm waiting for my story to be posted so I can finally be done so I can get on with a bit of relaxation before bed-time.

Of course, that doesn't translate fully to totally being away from work. The other night I had a very vivid dream in which I had a new job and I was going to say goodbye to the role I play in my community. I was sad to be moving on. 

What do you get from your dreams? What are your dreams? Do you think they're important? What do they do for you?

My life stems from my dreams. I made this life happen for me, aided by my parents. And my life is about being connected to others' lives, and trying to do this. Dreams end, as my life ends, but I know now more than ever is about just trying to make things better. I may not solve a major crime or cure a major disease, but I do know that I want to live my life to leave the world a better place.
I may not have what I want. I may not be in a relationship. I may be very lonely at times, but life is very good anyway. So what? I got my kids, have my career, have a sense I'm part of a community.

So, yes, this is a commentary on recent events. I don't put them all out in the public realm. But, I needed to write this, and publish it, and here it is. 

2 comments:

Cathy Finn-Derecki said...

Sean, I always read your articles and think you are great. You've kept me in the loop about C'ville in a way that other papers/writers have not. I really, really appreciate what you do. Wish it were easier for you. I, too, have to do a day job that takes me away from my kids, and at times it can be very, very hard. Just know that I'm a fan!!!

Sean Tubbs said...

Thanks! I wrote that one to vent a bit, and I needed it. I do love what I do but it's kind of isolating at times.