I want to post more here, like I have done today, because I want to say something publicly about the things that trouble me. I can't be as specific as I would like for reasons that are evident to me but likely not to others. I want to be able to take my time and turn it into words that may give insights to others in the future.
I live in a shadowy mind that doesn't always reveal what it's thinking. I am more than just one me. I live in a world with more than 7 billion others, that number always counting up as our species continues to grow, aided by technology and a general sense of progress.
But there is a disquiet in so many of our souls. Each of us has had our hard times, and I'm more interested in hearing about the stories where that density was softened over time.
What I may begin to do is begin to just capture any and all thoughts I have, maybe fictionalizing many of them. I am more than just myself, and I want to speak to more than just me.
As I type this, I am listening to a Charlottesville Planning Commission meeting, and I'm not going to write about the deliberations, but I will file them away for the future. I'm listening to a voice that I know in two different ways. Thirty minutes ago I have this person a totem my youngest child made for her and for me and his mother.
I want peace. But getting there sometimes takes conflict. I have learned to disengage but have I gone too far?
As I get older, do I have more of a responsibility to speak out? At some point, should I be in a position where I can take an opinion public?
I don't know. But I need a public space where I can be myself, and this is about the best vehicle I can think about. I am no stranger here. People know who I am, but my name does not easily lead here.
My shadowy mind wants to be a little more predictable. I also want to be more connected to the rest of you. If you are reading this, you are someone I want to know.