I thought I was supposed to work at Court Square, but when I realized I did not have to do, I felt like I could devote some time to myself. I went to Tin Whistle to finish work and met up with my work colleague Tim Shea who is leaving the organization soon. Speaking with Tim and his girlfriend made me happy, as did talking to several other friends I saw there.
So I decided to come home and try to make music. Astute readers will know this is a pastime of mine and has been for many years. Singing my own songs makes me feel alive, but I don't seem to be able t write them. I have to improvise them. I love seeing what I can come up with in the moment.
I also have a hard time sharing any of it because none of it is perfect.
I have dozens and dozens of hours of material that I've created off the top of my head, all these weird experiments where I just let my imagination ago and sing what's on my mind while trying to be my own accompaniment.
I don't have to share it. But I want to, but I'm so scared I'll be told it's awful. I've never been able to get over criticism over things I make from my heart. The songs I sing in order to process what's on my mind.
I want to work with people. I want to make songs. I want to make a version of me that is more than than the me everyone knows.
But for now, I am so satisfied I actually broke a three month hiatus on recording anything. I have had a weird year so far. Tonight, though, I had a bit of a break-through, and that is why I have satisfaction.