1/22/2016

Before the snow

The chance at a fresh start, a temporary one, is worth grabbing hold. 

Soon there will be a new coating on the soiled world that will remind me that there's always the chance of a happy illusion. This temporary geologic event will at first be beautiful, but then it will quickly be get sullied by the need for society to remove all the obstacles. 

I've grown jaded. I always think now about what comes after, always imagining the worst because that way the bad that does happen doesn't hurt as badly. This stance also keeps me on my toes, always ready for something else to go wrong.

So in this moment when the ground is still greenish-brown, I think about the gray sludge instead of the majesty of inches and inches of freshly fallen snow. There are so few moments now where I can stop and enjoy them happening when they are.

It has become so common for others to tell people to live in the moment, to forget the past. For me, that denies that the ocean of my previous experiences has its own current. I cannot help but be reminded of the gravity of my previous actions, and the forces which will always define my life.

But I am grateful today for temporary illusions that give me the freedom I from the past in order to slide into moods that permit more escape than usual. I'm blessed that I've learned to ride the waves within my mind, and that my need for vigilance has been earned.

And the two feet of snow to come is a pleasant reward. 
(this was the soundtrack for the above)

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