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One hundred and eleven days left

Today I finally returned to Smith Aquatic and Fitness Center after an over three year absence. The immediate reason to go today is an inability to shower at my house. My house is old and the pipe that takes used water, as well as the solids in that used water, has collapsed. It needs to be replaced.

Nothing lasts forever, but many of those items are components. Components can be swapped out as they wear down, but the logistics of replacement can be trying or tedious. I've been trying to figure this out.

Somehow, I've been ignoring my body and its physical health. I signed up for the Ten Miler but ran three times before getting out of the habit. Work consumes me and I am working on that. My life needs more components. 

As I got out of my car, a kid about 150 feet away by the entrance immediately laughed. I was wearing an athletic shirt way too small for me, and my lower belly was exposed. I could feel it. I felt fat. I didn't feel gross. I didn't have any shame about this time in my life. I'm the way I am now, and I know I can change.

As I got closer to the door, he confronts me.

"Hey! Excuse me!"

I stop. He's over 10, younger than 14, but I don't really know ages like that anymore.

"Did you know that your gut is hanging out?"

I'm not offended. I'm amused in a way.

"Yes, I did. Thanks for pointing it out."

"You should cover that up. It's going to get in your way if you swim!"

"Thanks for pointing it out. I'm well aware of it. It's why I'm here, in fact. But it's none of your business."

"I don't want to see it."

"Do you think I give a shit what you think?"

He nodded, and I walked in. 

It's not my habit to curse in front of a kid, and I wasn't offended. I might have been in the past. I admire his confidence to ask. I don't know what his life is like, or what it's going to be. I feel no need to admonish him or punish him. He's just a person in front of two other people, and he's amused at this old man in a tight athletic shirt that is clearly the wrong size. 

Then I renewed my membership for $28, got on the treadmill. 

It felt so good on the treadmill. One reason I don't run is because there are too many decisions to make in terms of where to run. I also don't like being seen running outside at the moment. I am aware I am not in shape like I was fourteen years ago. 

Back then I devoured my pain by turning it into miles and miles first at the gym and then out on the road.

I need to get back in shape. My ability to enjoy life will increase if I can get back in shape, and find balance in my body.

I don't like that I let myself go again, but I did. I know I feel much better when I look better. I also know there is a joy in the physical activity and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it. I've not prioritized that feeling and it's time to begin that now. 

So, this blog becomes the account of this journey.  

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