Two hours from now I'll turn 52 for real, or will at least past the finish line for that particular milestone. For the past little while the past 26 hours or so, I've been imagining that I do indeed deserve me alive.
Because that number is higher than now, I can eliminate any worry that might have come with thinking about when that figure gradually lowers. I am in this time now when I still wonder if I will somehow do a karaoke shift, and see if I allow a little madness into my life. I am going to take an Uber home if I stay later, but for now I'm here and honestly who knows?
I sit at a bar I am associated with and LCD Soundsystem's Home comes on the tannoy, although no one here would ever know that term. I only know it because I've been to the United Kingdom in my past, a past that seems further away all of the time now.
I am in my own future, and it may not be the most exciting but it's the one I'm in. I've managed to position myself here, in this now, and in the next few minutes I don't quite know what I'll do. I do know that I've had the best 26.5 hours in a long time without having to leave my house.
I will be back in Pennsylvania in less than 120 hours from now.
Because that number is higher than now, I can eliminate any worry that might have come with thinking about when that figure gradually lowers. I am in this time now when I still wonder if I will somehow do a karaoke shift, and see if I allow a little madness into my life. I am going to take an Uber home if I stay later, but for now I'm here and honestly who knows?
I want to be alive. I am alive. How do I make that work out into the future?
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