These late days of August have slowed my brain down at a time when I need for it to be operating much faster. I did not want to get out of bed today and want to just sleep. So far I've not been out for a walk but I did a mile on the treadmill.
I felt energy for a moment and then it went away. I said I'd write a newsletter today but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to pull that off. I'm caught up in the fear that evil always wins, and evil gets to call the shots.
I think how this isn't much different than the past. I've always known that the likelihood of success is low in a culture that seems to elevate cruelty into an artform. And there's so much doubt in my mind at the moment that I'm having a hard time feeling the pathway today.
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Superchunk has a new album called Songs in the Key Of Yikes and I'm listening to it now for the first time the music is moving through my nervous system and I'm feeling things here and there. I'm so wound up in whatever persona I have become that exercises caution all of the time.
I would like a day where I don't think about the work I do, but the work I do is how I project myself into the world.
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I am now two hours into writing the newsletter. I may end up going somewhere to get lunch because I'm tired of the construction outside of my house. I could walk somewhere and maybe I will. Maybe I will cook here. I don't know. It's one of those days.
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I am trapped at my house because of the construction in the intersection. I just now thought I would go out and run some errands like purchase some groceries. I've only walked a mile and a half so far today and that is not enough. I'll make it up somewhere.
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I cooked lunch. This consists of frying up frozen vegetables and fake meat and then adding them to a ramen package. I'm moving at a slow pace and now there's football on the telly and I think again if maybe I should move away from all I have built.
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There's not much in this and it is a loose thread I must tie up so I can move on.
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| Accidental life |
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