There seem to be more days now where I don't seem to write. It's 9:15 p.m. at night and I've struggled to do much of anything today. I had a very night out with a friend of mine last night, the third time we've done so in two weeks.
These aren't things I can write out on this platform, and I don't really keep a journal anymore. I send emails to people and then sometimes harvest them into different texts. Today that doesn't seem like anything I want to do.
I'm letting all of the memories wash over without committing them into words. I don't think this person would be interested in that, and I don't want to add to the clutter in their life.
I'm also tired. I've not really lived much of a life for a while, and it's nice to spend time with someone else. But I don't want to get my hopes up because I don't really know what I want outside of my work.
I've done nothing for work today. That seems to be happening more often and I do have a bit of a concern about that, but it's also something I don't want to think about too closely at this moment.
Maybe I should open up a journal and think about it, but I also don't know when I'll see this person again. I can sense all of my defense mechanisms in place, and I'm hoping I can get through this unscathed. Emotions related to other people can be hazardous.
I'm enjoying living a little and aware of the danger. I'm also enjoying the communication and the time spent with someone else. Maybe I should continue to spend a little less time writing.
Today I've not thought about any of my stories. I didn't put out a podcast today but will do that tomorrow morning. I'm hoping I can get a good night's rest and will care about whatever it is I do tomorrow.
What do I do, anyway?
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