Someone I know died this past week, someone I haven't spoken to in a long while. I don't remember when, but he was angry at me for something and I never quite understood why.
I also did not care to, because we were not friends. We might have become, but that didn't happen, same as it hasn't happened with the hundreds of thousands of people I've come into contact with my life.
I believe in the coming years I'm going to know a lot of people who die, a truism that fuels me when I turn it onto myself. I know that one day I will not be able to write anymore, won't be able to sing, won't be able to witness this beautiful life, won't be able to lament that there are those among us who bathe in cruelty.
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This is one of those days I don't want to do my job because I have to go places and be around people. I don't mind one, but it's a 3 p.m. meeting and that puts pressure on me to get the newsletter out and to get ready.
The other one is a campaign forum and I'm going to be on the stage and I really do not want to be. I'm not sure that what I'm doing is the most effective thing to be doing at this point and this awareness is becoming more clear everyday.
The people who love to be cruel have the ears of many and the divisionary tactics have been working for years to get us ready for the slaughter that I fear will come from the rhetoric we're hearing shouted at us.
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I'm really struggling to work today because I feel something uncertain and unsettling and I'm not sure what to do with it except do the trivial work that I do. Perhaps it isn't trivial, but it certainly doesn't feel like the best use of my time at the moment.
Yet, I'm doing the kind of work that it seems others stopped doing and here I am continuing while I wait to become a target of those who lead other people into cruelty. Humanity does this to itself all of the time and we're in a time that is going to be quite awful.
I feel this in every waking moment now and I'm waiting for it and all I can do is go about the day and try my best even though the pulsing and the shaking inside of me is getting stronger and stronger.
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