It's 8:40 a.m. in the morning and I'm listening to the first Butthole Surfers album while trying to figure out how to start work. I took off from Friday at 1:30 p.m. to yesterday around the same time. Now we're up to Monday and I have to be productive but I'm not certain I know how to get to the starting line.
I often have difficulty falling asleep because my imagination transitions to dreamscapes and I go through a series of hypnic jerks as I am alarmed at the presence of new sensations and places.
Right now I have much to do and none of it feels real. I'd rather spend time writing out this weekend and some of what happened. I did not expect I would be spending as much time with my friend as I have been, and it seems we keep adding more time. I am reluctant to write out any of the sensations because I don't want them to end.
At the same time I have to figure out a way into writing about land use policy for my audience. I know in the back of my head what I need to do, but the presence of a welcome houseguest means it is hard for me to get onto the pathway.
A step must be taken. That's always the way. If you are standing in the muddle, you move forward. Or backward. Any direction, really. The important thing is to not allow your mind to grow accustomed to stagnation.
Now I have done something. I posted a story from the 931st edition of Charlottesville Community Engagement over to Information Charlottesville. The process is inefficient but I generally can power through such things. There are 140 subscribers who get an email every time something new is posted to the Wordpress site.
I've just posted a second one. That's something done. I want to write about the weekend but it's time to get going on the C-Ville Weekly story. I know what that's going to be but I've not broken it out yet. It's 9:04 a.m. and two mornings ago I was in Floyd County and for a moment I'm back there again in my mind, feeling sensations and impulses and close to the person I've spending time with and I want to dive right into doing documenting all of it, but what's to be gained from doing so?
At the moment, I need to try to get focused, the same way I got through yesterday. I turned in a newsletter and did the Reddit version and then conversed with my temporary houseguest for awhile. This is the most interesting my life has ever been and I don't want it to unravel due to rough handling of the fabric of this time.
I recorded two audio music improvisations late last month and I'd like to go through all of that as well but I'm also storing up energy for future adventures. I do not know what will happen but I'm at that point where I could be fearful.
I choose not to be because what's that thought ever done for me?
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