Maybe I don't need to write about the restaurant at 920 9 1/2 Street NE but I want to. I've never been there and have no sense of where it fits, or if it is even open anymore. I got a sales pitch from one of the real estate firms and I could probably get a story out of it. Does this place even exist?
But there are so many stories. I'm responding to a guy who wrote me in early September looking for someone to help tell his story about health insurance. We live in a country where the ruling party wants to make it even harder. My premiums will double and I may just decide to go without. I don't expect to live much more.
I could leave the country. Sometimes I say that would make me a coward and maybe I believe that. I know that I need to get my affairs in order and begin to do what I need to do to ensure some of my thoughts make it past my existence. That seems to be important to me but living my life seems to be an error. It would be better to sit here and wait.
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I just wrote up a press release from September 8. I didn't get to it before now. The days are filled. For the past month, I've been distracted by what I thought would be something romantic and hopeful, but it has turned out to be a phantom. I'm pleased I had the experiences, but it's more important for me to be mentally intact.
There's just a mismatch and this was always part of the story I'm on, I suppose. I'm distracted today and don't want to do my work. I want to write about this person and what they mean to me, but I've done that so much it's an old story. There's no more fruit.
The flavor has gone stale.
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I'm more interested in what will happen at 321 Hillsdale Drive. That's an office building I also got a notice on September 8. What will happen to places like that in the future? What would someone do with it if they bought it? What would I do with it? I don't seem to want to work anyone but at my house. I've gotten very used to that and here I am.
Here I can watch a football match from Saturday if I want to do so. I skipped it that morning because I was with this person and other people. I felt like I was in a different life for a moment and I embraced the feeling totally.
Three days later I do not want to do anything except treasure the feeling, and remind myself I would have been just as fine as if was watching this match live. I know that Everton won, but I didn't experience it so here it is and here I am.
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The thoughts will continue no matter what but I'm a stronger shore than I was in the past when I erode at the first sign of self-doubt. Now I am more confident in myself and confident my pathway leads somewhere.
Yet the thoughts will continue and suspect I will heed the call the next time I am beckoned.
I have to wonder why and resist.
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