In three days I'll be on a train nearing Trenton if the heat doesn't delay the train. I've been counting down the moments but only because I want to come back home as soon as possible. I've been quite happy in my house doing my work and living my life but now it's time to go back up and be near my parents while my sister goes away.
As near as I can tell this is really causing my mental health to decline. I tend to get angrier the closer I get to these trips. I've been going up now for nearly three years now for a week at a time. It's incredibly disruptive.
Why am I writing this?
Because I want to remember this feeling when I can't relax or anything because I'm going to be out of my house and away from my set-up for a week and I'm tired of doing this. I am in a financial crisis which means I have no disposable income anymore.
Also when I am around family my self-loathing takes over.
And I don't have time for that. Time to get to work and forget anything that is not that. That's how this work.
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