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Showing posts from November, 2013

Thanksgiving thoughts (possibly controversial)

Sometime tomorrow, stores that have a lot of fluorescent lighting overhead will open. The people who work there will have to be there so that people who are better shoppers than me can pay their bosses money. Somehow, both parties aren't bothered that this is happening. The rest of us are a bit puzzled.  I'm not angry that this is happening. I don't have any outrage that stores are looking to outdo their competition any way they can. Somehow it's all about advantage.  I know I will be less likely to shop in any of those stores in the future. That's a personal decision, and not one I have to think about very hard. I don't often shop in any of those kind of stores anyway.  "What do you think about all those people wanting to shop on Thanksgiving day?" said the clerk at the convenience store near my house. I've been going there for years for beer and chicken.  "Well, I know I'm not going to shop at any of them," I sai

Running in the dark

The 5:00 fall of darkness is hitting me harder than I think it ever has. Perhaps this has something to do with the deaths that have happened in my life in late summer and early fall. Perhaps I'm getting old. In any case, I will not fall into despair. At least not for long. Today I went straight to the gym after work and got on a treadmill and ran. I wanted to run from the moment I woke up today because I ended up sleeping in late and my kids ended up being half an hour late for school. Thankfully I put their clothes out for the morning last night and I am able to whip breakfast together quite quickly. The car started and we made it there, but I decided to go straight to work. And then, I left work before my section of the earth turned away from the sun because I needed to run an errand, and I didn't take a coat due to the speed at which we escaped my house's gravitational pull. Upon getting home, I had a cup of tea and then suited up a three mile run at the gym.

The thoughts I have about things

At the library today, I picked up a book called Timetables of History . It was a simple listing of historical events dating from Sumerian times to 1990. I tried to interest my daughter in this, but her interest lasted about thirty seconds before she went to look at a DK book that shows all of the locations in Star Wars . Initially I was bothered that she wasn't interested in real life but instead wanted to learn more about a fictional universe. But, I quickly realized I was also more interested in the book, which was colorful, detailed, animated, and was of more interest to her than what someone did back in 903.  And here we are in 2013, and I increasingly feel like pulling back from the moments of the day in order to concentrate on the moments of my self. I spend so much time thinking about what happens in the now, writing about public policy in my community. I'm aware of the importance and the non-importance of it, all at the same time.  The totality of myself i

Today was forever

One of my children is reading to the other, but I'll likely have to go in and finish the job.  We've had a great two days together, the three of us. Mostly they've played together while I've watched, supervised, shepherded, kept away from sharp objects. Since having brunch with some friends the other day, I've not had a sustained conversation with another adult.  And that's okay. Being a single dad for me means that I am living these years of my life with two of the three most important people in my life. It can be absolutely exhausting, especially when they begin to go to war with each other. Some times it can be so emotionally draining to be in the middle of their spats, and I try to stay out of the fray. Thankfully today there was little need to do that. Today was about as perfect as you can get, given that we only left the house once and that my living room was transformed into an ocean fortress, complete with inflatable dolphin. They played fo

In a crowd

Tonight I went to a dance at my children's elementary school. I attended along with their mother and her fantastic partner. I am so happy that our relationship is at such a good point where we all communicate about what's happening in their lives. Together the three of us are parenting two people that will inherit this world. The auditorium was packed with people, all of us parents and all of us children. There was dancing, there were prizes, and there were my children playing with their friends, interacting with the three parents. I had to give up my shift at Court Square Tavern to go, and it is likely I won't be able to fully return there like I had hoped. Maybe that is for the best. There are not often crowds there, not the crowds I need to be in now that I feel like I'm fully helping to raise my children. I was at first uncomfortable at the dance because of my anxiety and because their school is not in my neighborhood. I don't know the other parents as m

Doctor Who's importance to me, again

I stumbled out of bed this morning and there was immediately a message from my cousin James telling me I had to watch the new Doctor Who mini-episode right away.  I was skeptical, but I went to look for it.  Before I even saw it, I knew today was going to be a good day. The show has lasted 50 years because it has a universe where the main character has lived a series of lives in different bodies. He regenerates into a new form every time he is killed.  There has been a gap in the show's continuity. The show was canceled by the BBC in 1989, but brought back in a clumsy television movie co-produced by FOX. The actor who played him regenerates from the Seventh Doctor (as played by Sylvester McCoy, who was in the recent Hobbit film) into the Eighth Doctor (as played by Paul McGann). But, the film was not a success, and the on-screen revival of the Doctor would not happen until 2005. And when the show came back, the mythology had changed so that the Doctor was the last of

11/12/13

Another night in an auditorium, listening to a matter of public discussion in one ear while my mind seeks out mindless trivia while waiting for some form of resolution. I've been in meetings all day, and I'll be in them all day tomorrow, too. I'm thirsty, so in a few minutes I'm going to leave.  The developer of a project is mad at the Board of Supervisors because they are spending a lot of time on a drainage issue. There's part of me that is aware of the broad overview of what's going on here, but there is no need to get too involved in the details. In the grand scheme of things, there is no room for trivial. Somewhere in these two paragraphs is an inconsistency. I am filled with them, but unaware of them as they pass through my mind. I'm not sure who I am, and not sure why I'm in this room. I don't feel fully here while I'm here. 

Offsetting ennui

I'm sitting in a room I sit in far too often, but at least I'm paid to be there. People are looking at plans for a new building. They won't make a decision tonight, and they don't actually make the decision anyway. That will fall to the elected officials who aren't here at the moment. My chair is against the back wall. The room is a small auditorium, and many decisions have been made in here over the past few decades. I've written about many of these, either as a contemporary reporter or as an amateur archivist.  I'm tense because I want this meeting to be over, and I'd like to relax and joke and play and talk to people. I'd like to write about the people who are in this room, as opposed to the decisions that will be made. The two relate, of course, but in public I cannot write about the people in here, or the people I would like to meet. I feel stuck in time, despite the growing awareness that I am living a life constrained by decision

Upon unfathomable tragedy

Tomorrow I will take my children to a memorial service for a little girl who was killed in a terrible accident on Monday. Charlotte's life was cut short so quickly, but a community has come together to provide comfort, solace, and love to her sister, mother and father.  And I will go tomorrow and sit next to my children and their mother, and their mother's partner, and we will all mourn something so terrible - the death of a young child.  I personally did not know Charlotte that well, but knew of her importance to my son. He called her his "future wife" after her got over his sister teasing him about his being his girlfriend. I remember being that age and having crushes on girls, but I can't fathom being told that he'll no longer be able to play with her because she's gone.  He's in denial, and is somewhat angry about what's happened.  "I don't care that she's dead," he said to me shortly before bed. I told him I