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Showing posts from November, 2015

Trying

I can sense that the season is seeking to strip me of my sensibilities. The lack of light has left me loose and disconnected. The doubts within me are harmonizing, preparing for a suite of dirges that will call me into the darkness. I am trying my best to not let that happen.  I'm not exercising. I seem to instead be working as much as possible. I seem to not have leisure time at the moment. Everything feels like a job, but knowing that, I'm kind of relaxed about it. I'm doing good work, even if I sometimes begin to lose faith in myself and the quality of what I do.  I'm more cautious than I've ever been in my life. I don't take risks anymore, not the way I would have in the past. I don't ask anyone out. I don't go anywhere spontaneously. I don't look for other jobs. I don't look to have adventures. I know what I have to do, and what I do is work.  Well, work and play Minecraft.  I need to be doing something purposeful at e

Secret music

I wonder if anyone will ever listen to the music I've made over the past six years. They're improvisational journeys that capture specific moments in time while reflecting on all the other moments in time I've had in my 42 years.  Technically it's not all there, but I record myself as a way of speaking to the universe that I know, which includes myself. I'm sometimes able to project things that really capture how I'm feeling about a particular issue. I'm able to release myself and just communicate with myself in a way that words don't do as much as they used to.  Words alone aren't enough for me. For the past eight and a half years, I've been employed as a writer who just writes text. I've enjoyed being on the radio at WTJU as part of Soundboard, but it's going away at the beginning of the year. I miss making audio of any kind. I learned how to produce public radio pieces because it continued a tradition of making audio that