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Showing posts from October, 2013

I love holidays

There's a certain beauty to watching other people revel in enjoyment today, the silliest of all days. Everyone dresses up, everyone seems merry, and a good time is had by all. People are smiling, people are happy, and there's energy of greatness all over. I'm happy to see children walking up and down the bricks of the mall.  It's no matter that I'm still working, and that I miss my children so much right now. I wish I was out there with them, and I'm happy knowing that I have at least a 50/50 shot of being with them next Halloween.  I won't see them for ten days over Christmas. While that fact makes me sad, I will have to do some work to make sure that it does not cast a shadow over my activities now. I may not see them at Christmas, but I will see them at Thanksgiving, and I will get to have some fun activity with them. Being a single parent who only sees his children a third of the month can be painful, but it makes me appreciate my little on

I hate holidays

I'm single, have been for years, and I work a ridiculously stressful job. Two or three of them, actually. So, I never have any energy to put into holidays like Halloween. I never have a costume, never have plans, and basically feel inadequate beyond belief. I'm working in my office as people walk off to enjoy their merriment and fun. I feel more and more like an alien every single day. And that's not a costume.  Now begins the long march to Christmas. This Christmas is going to be the hardest one I've had to date and the sadness I am going to feel for ten days is already casting a shadow backwards through time. I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to think of good things. I'm trying not to fall apart. But, I just hate holidays. They remind me of personal failures, remind of current shortcomings, and remind me I feel just a shadow of my former self.  I honestly hope I don't always feel like this.  And I so look forward to January 2. 

And these were the slow nights...

I remember this feeling. I remember waiting people to come into a place that I think is one of the most awesome places on earth. Or at least, in Charlottesville. If I could get out of town more often, I likely wouldn't go on harping about Court Square Tavern.  I certainly wouldn't keep going back to work there if I didn't live here, and if I didn't feel like it was part of the reason I'm here.  This was the first time in a long time that I went from one job to the other on a weekday. This may become more common as I try to make ends meet, try to get ahead by making a little more money for my children. But also, to try to reconnect to the reasons why I'm here. Tonight was a slow night, but the interactions I had with customers were all very enjoyable. People came onto my stage and I served the role of background character. But, I also engaged with local politics, talked a bit about we're a neighborhood bar, caught up with old friends, tried to f

A documenting of the return

Time travel is possible. Credit: Jennings Hobson Inc. I reentered a part of my timeline where I spend my hours serving people drinks and food, cracking jokes, trying to keep good cheer, augmenting reality in a small space that I can dance around with aplomb, wit flowing and feeling connected to the place.  This may have ruined catering for me for a while.  I worked for almost seven hours on Friday night, bartending and serving tables while Jeff cooked the food. I think he was glad to be off of the floor. I was glad to be making my acquaintance with people who will be among my new regulars, on whatever scale I manage to return to this place in which I feel so at home. It felt so good to be there, at home , in a place where I feel so comfortable to be myself. Within seconds, I was right in the same place I had left 19 months ago, in early February 2012. I clocked in and went right to work, serving beer and standing behind the bar from which I watched most of my thir

A return, again, to Court Square Tavern

Back in the day...  In just under three hours, I'll clock in to the place I've worked at on and off for over nine years now. I'll go back into this little dungeon and I'll insert a card into a mechanism that will punch the time I arrived so I'll get paid. Instead of having a Friday night off to relax, I'll be serving people drinks and food and hopefully I'll make them happy in the process. It has been over a year and a half since I left, and I don't think it's going to be an easy transition. I'm only going back at this time because there is only one employee who regularly works there, and he wants a week off. So I will be filling in for him, but training with him tonight to see what might have changed. I'm going in with a positive attitude, a willingness to help, and hopefully to restore Court Square Tavern's role in greater Charlottesville society. Over the years, I've spent so many interesting nights there, and I want to

Records

I love records.  There's something infinitely magical about round discs that spin around pole in the middle of a motorized circle, with a needle picking up vibrations placed there in the encoding process. No... not encoding process. What word would you use? Anyway, thanks to WNRN, I now have a record player and I'm able to finally listen to the hundreds of records I've accumulated over the years. Earlier I listened to a record called Echoes of Merseyside, a stream-of-consciousness-like assemblage of found recordings put together by the Liverpool Echo sometime in the 70's.  And now I am listening to perhaps the most important album of my life - my first exposure to Monty Python - The Allbum of the Soundtrack of the Trailer of the Film of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I remember putting this on the record player when I was my a bit older than my daughter's age.  As I listen back, more than 30 years later, I'm pleased I have a record player

Bringing forth the musical waverings

This May I began a new season of musical journal entries. I'm drawn to picking up the guitar and recording myself making up words as I move my hand up and down the neck of my guitar, strumming out moments of where I was at various times. I am not capable of writing songs. I tried to do this summer, but that's now how I'm built musically. I have to trick myself in order to let myself go, and the only way I can do that is to have an open microphone and a recording device. Something happens in those moments, and I transform into something a little less retiring. I do hope I can find collaborators to help me harness this, so I'm going to post this noise. This is slightly edited from a recording I did in my kitchen when my children were at my house. Themes include the usual questions I have about this life I seem to be living.